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Learn more about her work with middle schoolers and their parents at Michelleinthe
Download a copy of 2 FREE chapters of Middle School Makeover. Middle School Makeover is a guide for parents and educators to help the tweens in their lives navigate the socially fraught hallways, gyms, and cafeterias of middle school.
There is no hard rule for when tweens should be allowed to date.
Keep in mind that even if you forbid dating, your tween may still spend lots of time with a special someone at school. Rather than a flat no, you might consider a more nuanced answer that includes “yes” to some scenarios (Okay, you can say you’re going out), “maybe” to others (I’ll consider whether you can go to a movie together, but if I say yes, I will be in the theater a few rows away), and “no” to others (You are too young to go to the movies without a chaperone and, by the way, you’re too young to kiss).
If you react reasonably, with a willingness to learn and be flexible, your child will trust your judgment and continue to seek it as the issues around dating become increasingly complex.
Michelle Icard is the author of Middle School Makeover: Improving the Way You and Your Child Experience the Middle School Years.
Remember, middle schoolers often feel isolated and abnormal by nature. To be dating (whatever that means) can be the ultimate confidence booster. Do keep an eye out for serial relationships, though.
Perhaps you’re worried about early physical intimacy, heartbreak, or your tween’s reputation.This book helps parents, teachers, and other adults in middle school settings to understand the social dilemmas and other issues that kids today face. If you're creative, get involved with a writing group or join the band. If you are a honor roll student and member of the key club, but you're interested in the slacker in the back row, you will have conflicted interests.Try to find someone that you think you can relate to - socially and mentally. Nothing is worse than being the one who 'shoulda-seen-it-coming' when a person's old habits repeat themselves. Separate your relationship from your school responsibilities.No one wants to be known as the 'dramatic couple that has epic battles by the soda machines every Tuesday.' It is really hard to keep up your grades and the respect of your classmates and teachers when you bring your relationship problems to class with you. Until you are 18 and move out of your house, your parents have final say in what you do and don't do. It is so easy to become so engulfed in a significant other that friends just don't seem as fulfilling anymore.